Do We Choose Our Family?
A number of people claim that we choose our parents. However, many parents and children faced with recurring conflicts really wonder if they had indeed chosen each other or whether their being together is a product of chance. Since we are endowed with free will, can we really choose which family to belong to?
Some children are very grateful for the parents they have because of the love and care they enjoy from them.
Some others, however, are resentful as their parents have many faults and exhibit character traits and upbringing principles which strongly inconvenience them in their childhood and youth, and sometimes mar them for life.
On the other hand, some parents suffer a lot from their children’s behaviour. Often, either parents or children ask themselves questions like: Why do I have such children? Why do I have such parents? Or, still, spitefully “What did I do to deserve this?”
The latter question clearly reveals that the protagonists sense that to a certain extent they must have made a decision at some point in time that led to their present situation. In actual fact the composition of a family does not depend on chance but on the workings of two important Laws: The Law of Attraction of Homogeneous Species and the Law of Reciprocal Action. Our former deeds and past decisions determine our present family.
The law of attraction of homogeneous species
Science, in its materialistic approach, states that genes determine the entry of a new member into a family and that its personality develops from the genetic baggage of the parents. The child has therefore no choice in the matter and its development is a function of the coming together of genes from the mother and the father.
From the spiritual viewpoint man is not only a physical body but an immaterial spirit incarnated into one. The spirit pre-exists the body and is just one of the numerous other spirits still in the beyond striving to incarnate on earth in order to pursue their development and mature. So, among all these spirits in the beyond which one will eventually incarnate in the little body growing in the womb of an expectant mother?
The Law of Attraction of Homogeneous Species actually does the selection and ensures that similar kinds attract each other and come together. The spirits of the parents attract in accordance with what emanates from them. The radiations of their spirits will have a well determined “colouring” reflecting their weaknesses and qualities, as well as their character. Among all the spirits ready to incarnate they will selectively and strongly attract the spirit with a similar colour; in other words, the one who possesses a combination of characteristics closest to theirs. It is the reason why children have so much in common, whether good or bad, with their parents. The similarity in character is due to the attraction of what is spiritually homogeneous and has nothing to do with genes.
There is a simple explanation to that fact. A gene, which is a particle belonging to gross matter, can only transmit hereditary characteristics of the same species of physical matter, such as the colour of the eyes, the shape of the face, and so on. It is incapable of transmitting immaterial and psychic characteristics because they are of a different species from it. The Law of Attraction of Homogeneous Species would prevent that from happening since it upholds the attraction of similar species only. Consequently there is no spiritual heredity, unlike physical heredity which certainly exists. As a matter of fact, no gene responsible for psychic heredity has ever been found in spite of extensive research in that field.
The workings of the Law provide tremendous help as parents understand children with whom they have affinity. For example, a child with musical talent will blossom forth with parents who appreciate music rather than with those who have no interest and cannot therefore provide him with the necessary support. Affinity between parents and children due to faults and weaknesses is also of great help as these shortcomings can be a foil to the child. The suffering caused by their manifestation can spur the child to strive in a radically opposite direction.
The law of reciprocal action
Everything that emanates from the human spirit, whether in the form of intuition, thoughts, words, or deeds is in fact a seed which reacts on its environment and marks it with an indelible stamp.
A spirit sows the expression of its will, that is, it takes decisions with the help of its free will. Are these decisions good or bad? The spirit will find the answers to this question sooner or later through the Law of Reciprocal Action, which ensures that every cause is attended by its corresponding effect. We can also say that it “makes him reap what he sowed”, as expressed in the biblical passage “You reap what you sow.”
The identical corresponding reaction always present between the seed and the harvest ensures that one who had imbibed and developed noble qualities in a previous incarnation will also find himself in situations whereby he will be adequately compensated in a later earth-life. In the same vein, one who indulged in violence and oppression will eventually be a victim of such. The spirit who consciously lives through the consequences of his previous deeds will learn to appreciate the difference between good and bad decisions, which latter he may decide to get rid of. Thus, a number of circumstances determine the incarnation of the spirit in a young body. These circumstances are provided not only through the educational, professional, cultural, or political environment in which the child will develop, but also through the family circle. Indeed, as a result of their personality, social status, place of residence, and so on, the parents provide the conditions necessary for numerous experiences needed by their child. There is also another aspect of the Law of Reciprocal Action which aims not only at giving an opportunity to assess former decisions but also to atone and compensate for any wrongdoing resulting from these decisions. Actors from previous earth-lives must therefore meet again to make amends on the one hand and grant forgiveness on the other.
The meeting of people linked by karmic threads can occur in various circumstances and social environments, but the family circle proves to be most ideal. The love that naturally blossoms between family members – parental love for the child and filial love for the parents – is a powerful help for inner change and forgiveness. Those concerned need not, at the present time, be conscious of their past lives or be aware of their past relationships, that is, if they had been parents, neighbours, colleagues, and so on. Only the present time matters and it suffices that in reacting to events they modify their behaviour and inner stance positively so that atonement and forgiveness follow their actions. Through their combined workings these Laws ensure no arbitrariness when placing children in their parents’ homes.
Choosing our family
The incarnation of a spirit is an indication that its sojourn in the beyond has momentarily reached its term and it becomes necessary for it to pursue its developmental journey on earth to avoid stagnation. Based on the karmic threads and the personality of the soul concerned, the Laws guide it to the precise place suitable for it and to the parents it deserves. The number of eligible parents is not unlimited since very many specific factors must be taken into consideration.
A spirit is not in a position to freely decide which parents to choose so as to satisfy his likes and dislikes. More important factors which affect the overall development of the spirit are decisive and they exclude his personal wishes. The Laws ensure strict observance of these factors.
Parents whom we “reap” are the fruits of our past decisions and their resulting karma. There is a choice in that sense, albeit an indirect one since the choice depends on the decisions rather than their results: the parents correspond to the karma in question. There is therefore no conscious and thought-out decision as alleged by the expression “I have chosen my parents.”
In any case the workings of the Laws follow the greatest wisdom and total justice. Every child always gets the parents it deserves and the parents the child they need for their experiencing on earth.